I Am Loveable

Back in the day, I didn’t know much about the new age movement, even though by the 80s it was pretty much established. Perhaps that’s why I was taught about positive reinforcement and positive affirmations in college.

I admit it — my self-esteem was in the tank. I wanted to write a book entitled “101 Ways to Commit Suicide”. I hated college, hated the classes, hated the weather (Logan, Utah is bitter cold in the winter — so cold it froze my nose hairs!) and hated not having a car. The university campus sits atop a hill, aptly called Old Main Hill because that’s where one of the original buildings stood. Unless you lived in a dorm or elsewhere on campus, you had to walk up Old Main to get to school. When the wind chill is at 25 below zero, it’s not a fun experience.

I was majoring in Special Education. Trying to be positive for the kids that depended on me was tough. I did it though. I used every ounce of positivity in my body and gave it to them. Perhaps that’s why there was nothing left for me.

At any rate, one of my teachers once talked about having an IALAC tag. I’d never heard of this phenomenon and wanted to know all about it. It was an imaginary tag (virtual reality wasn’t a thing yet!), but I wanted to take it to a new level. I wanted a physical tag that I could wear to remind myself that, yes, indeed, I AM LOVEABLE AND CAPABLE. So I got a piece of card stock and a magic marker and made my tag. (Again, computers weren’t around!) It was nice to have a physical reminder that yes, I was good enough.

I need to create another tag for 2019. With the loss of my 27-year old cat last year (yes, 27!) and my husband leaving me after 13 years of marriage, my self-esteem tanked. Again. I honestly don’t know if it’s ever been that good, to begin with.

I’m an introvert, preferring to write rather than speak with actual people. Cats and dogs are easy, humans, not so much.

But everyone deserves to be loved. Regardless of who they are. Perhaps if we all looked inward before looking outward, we’d find what’s missing in the world. Go ahead and make your own IALAC tag. Never forget that you ARE loveable and capable.

Peace.