Top 10 Body Language Clues

You’re in the boss’s office, watching him fiddle with a pen. His desk is bigger than your cubicle and his Administrative Manager’s office almost as large.

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You are ready to jump across that wide expanse of desk and smack that pen out of his hand. Instead, you cross your arms, stifle a yawn and slink further down into the chair.

Your boss, who had been expounding on the virtues of his Administrative Manager, stops in mid-sentence, looks at you, then abruptly ends the conversation and sends you out the door.

What happened? Your body language betrayed you! Here are 5 negative and 5 positive aspects of body language. If you can become more aware of yourself, you might learn a thing or two.

Negative Body Language

1. Crossing your arms

A lot of people automatically assume this is a defensive posture. You could just be cold! BUT, pairing it with an eye roll or, as in the example above, a slouchy posture while listening to someone, more than likely indicates that you are not receptive to what the person is saying.

2. Lack of crinkles around the eyes when smiling

Don’t always believe that younger is better! Wrinkles are road maps to your life – when you smile, for instance, a genuine smile will produce crow’s feet around your eyes. A fake smile will not. That being said, if you don’t ever produce a real smile, there’s a good chance you won’t get crow’s feet, but….is that really any way to live?

3. Poor Posture

Slumping isn’t good for you at any time. It curves your spine and makes your back ache. A slumped position is a good indicator of defeat, submissiveness or not really giving a damn. If you want someone to respect you, or at least acknowledge you, imagine a string from the top of your head into the sky. Imagine there is someone gently tugging on that string and act accordingly. Your back will thank you, your audience will thank you and your doctor will thank you.

4. Checking your watch, picking lint off your clothes

Yeah, you may be a couple minutes late for that cappuccino with the cute girl down the hall, BUT, don’t check your watch when your Boss is talking to you. In fact, don’t check your watch when anyone is talking to you. It’s just rude. As for the lint? Make sure you’re lint free before any presentations or important meetings. And for God’s sake, DON’T pick lint off the person you’re talking to!

5. Foot or finger tapping

I admit it. I tap my fingers when I’m bored. And I catch myself bouncing my foot every once in a while which annoys me. However, I once had a boss that bounced his leg up and down at a high velocity every time he was in a meeting. If I could have put a concrete block on his leg to stop him, I would have. Be mindful of this habit because it doesn’t come across well to those around you. (And if everyone in the room is doing it, then you might as well cancel the meeting!)

Positive Body Language

1. Lean Forward

When someone is talking to you, lean your body slightly towards them. If you’re sitting, don’t fall out of your chair, but lean a little closer to indicate that you are listening, you are interested and you care about the conversation. Even if they are talking about their cute pink poodle named Mitzi.

2. Maintain Good Eye Contact

Don’t have a stare down contest with them, and certainly don’t bat your eyelashes 20 times every minute. Look directly at them. Did you know that if you stare directly into a cat or dog’s eyes it can translate as aggression? (And here you thought Fluffy was just a Cat from Hell!) Instead, look at their forehead, their cheek, their chin. That goes for the person with whom you are having a conversation as well. You will continue to look interested, but your eyes aren’t wandering all over their body.

3. Affirmative Movements

Again, like everything else, don’t go overboard. Don’t nod your head up and down so much you look like a bobber on the end of a fishing line. Nod once, smile (a real smile!), and make general gestures of “Why yes, I’m listening to you telling the story of your hole-in-one back in 1997….for the 10th time.”

4. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Mirror the other person’s facial expressions. Don’t go overboard, if the other person has a weird tic, PLEASE don’t mimic him. You might get a slap upside the head. However, if the other person smiles, smile back, if they nod, nod slightly to show you are in agreement.

5. Now Repeat After Me

This isn’t really body language; it’s more of a listening art. When someone is telling you something, either a complaint, a story, or question, look at them as he or she are speaking, lean forward slightly, nod to let them know you are aren’t asleep and then, especially if it’s either a question or a complaint, repeat back what you heard. This enables both of you to make sure you’re on the same page.

As for the poor employee in the beginning of this article? Well, the boss was going to offer her the Administrative Manager position since his other assistant gave notice. After noting the body language of the possible candidate, he changed his mind and brought in someone that spoke the right body language.

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